I've turned over a new leaf. Gone are the days of random debauchery. I am now living the pious, complete life that I always knew I could. Evidence: I was leaving Costco the other day (because all good people shop at Costco... it's members only), when I was accosted by a Gypsy. A real live Gypsy! No, it wasn't her painted toe nails and dangling ear rings that gave her away... it was the gaunt lines of her face and the emptiness in her eyes. I'd seen those eyes before, in Spain, among the Gitano (Spanish for Gypsy.) She was pan handling, probably so she could afford more crack cocaine (all of the Gypsies use it. Trust me, I lived in Spain.) The baby on her hip probably hadn't been fed in days, because of her crack cocaine habit. It was then that I decided my new leaf had turned. I marched right back into that Costco (she couldn't follow me... members only) and right up to management, and let them know that there was someone accosting their customers right outside their very doors. It was the only choice I had. I couldn't allow more and more customers to be singled out by her and her baby, with those empty eyes and that faint, muffled crying sound eminating from the baby (probably weak from lack of food, because of the Gypsy girl's crack cocaine habit.) I waited until they removed her from the premises. I had to be sure that loyal Costco customers would be safe.

And my transformation was complete. I am now a Good Samaritan.